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User blog:Awesomesix/CRAP BATTLES SERIES FINALE Featuring Donald Trump
CRAP BATTLES, SERIES FINALE! (Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJWxGVeYWPk ) Chris Brown: Marshall, Marshall, Marshall! Who let this Brady Bitch back in! I’m gonna smack you like- *Eminem shoots Chris Brown.* Eminem: What now, fucker? I popped a cap in you, sucker! You look like you overdosed on Smuckers, you Chub and tuck-er! Now you’re just a brand new cadaver, and this battle’s done! By the way, how did I get this gun? *A shadow appears behind Eminem, tapping him on the shoulder.* ???: That’s mine, bro. Eminem: Sorry. Here, you can have it. TUPAC! *Tupac aims his gun into a brothel full of Nazis, shooting at a man who’s back is turned, dancing with a man in a foxy fursuit.* VS! *Tupac aims his gun into a brothel full of Nazis, shooting at a man with a weird mustache whose back is turned, dancing with a man in a foxy fursuit. The bullet hits the mustache, causing it to fall off, revealing it to be…* HAN FEI AND CRISS ANGEL IN A TRENCH COAT! (Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGxHEhIhm6A ) Han Fei and Criss Angel: Han Fei’s hunting prey to bring dismay, okay? That’s gay. I’m Criss Angel, we’ll bless you with a lyrical jerk off! No way! If we’re going out with a bang, we’re gonna let our wangs hang! Get together and set off fireworks, a real gang bang! Shebang! So, stand back, as I pull my rocket out of my pocket- *Tupac shoots Han Fei in the pocket, setting off the dynamite stored in there, killing him and Criss Angel.* Tupac: For real now, where is he? *Tupac shoots a white male figure wearing a Nazi leader mask, conversing with some Nazi officers. The mask turns towards Tupac, revealing itself to be…* LOYGANSONO55! (Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bd8Wj8Mc83w ) Loygansono55: The name’s Barry, this is getting scary. That guy’s Larry. Am I prepared to whip your derriere? Very. It’s gross and hairy! Like some moldy dairy! Now calling my pal, the whack of back up! CW! Pull the bagpipes, and whack my black guy opponent to last night! Captain Warrior: F# G A B A B e d B A G E F# G B d e d B G B A *Tupac shoots the bagpipe, causing the bomb inside to go off. Barry survives, but CW is blown out of the ceiling. Barry walks away and orders a cocktail.* Tupac: For real, where is this guy? Could that be him over there? *Tupac pulls out an AK47 from his backpack, and finds a guy wearing a sign on his back saying “I’M HITLER”. Tupac shoots him, and the sign falls off, revealing a hole in the robot decoy’s back, and out pops…* Han Fei Jr. and Criss Angel 2: Surprise, mot- *The two die as a shadowy figure stomps them to death, causing the club to go quiet. Tupac looks up at the man, and smiles.* CRAP BATTLES SERIES FINALE! TUPAC! *Stephen Hawking rolls out of the robot, and tosses the figure a microphone.* VERSUS! *Han Fei III on stilts comes up to Tupac, and pulls a boom mike out of his pocket for Tupac.* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADOLF HITLER! BEGIN! (Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePnZ9qQW5wY ) Tupac: Alright, motherfucker, it’s time to settle this bout with serious disposition! Bout to kick a furious fuhrer fanatic’s fancy foreign seat in, I’m on a mission! This reppin’ verbal weapon’s stepping to the German masse’s meddlin’ mess, and Spitting venom to lessen the Western nation wrestler’s lengthy possessions! This Charlie Chaplin stache’n chap’s gonna chafe his ass in this lyrical clash! So goose-step on back to your furry fox hack and count your losses like your cash! Pac’s gonna gobble ya, throttle ya, don’t fuck with the rap Godfather, ya Pathetic little louse’s is going to be picked off, I’ll smashed-bottle ya! Rule one of rap, it’s all about the diction, But this dictator lost a sack, left his taters burnt in the kitchen! (Vhat?) I mean you got not balls, no brains, no reasonable chance to stand me! So, why don’t you just sign up for the brothel and give foxy a handy? *Erwin Rommel puts the fox head back on, and slumps away.* Hitler: Hold the beat. *Criss Angel drops a beet on the floor, causing the music to stop.* Hitler: Let me show you how an Ubermensch gets a crowd going. *Hitler starts his own beat. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmuHA60ok24 * Hitler: Ever since I was a boy, I faced a sad fate. Parents neglected me, couldn’t even paint. Germany in some hard times, I stepped up to the plate. And served the whole world a spicy dish they couldn’t take! Germany’s genius getting geared to gut a gorilla, I’m Going ham on a Harambe looking hater, for real this time! No jokes about it, no stupid gags to pull- *Han Fei stabs Hitler, killing him. Tupac gets mad, and the beat stops.* Tupac: Han Fei, that was not cool! Why’d you kill him? We were trying to get an old joke done with, and you- *Han Fei rips his clothes off, lets out a primal roar, and begins growing in size, laughing maniacally.* Han Fei: Shut up, you black person! If Criss and I can’t have a crap battle, then NO ONE can! *The naked Han Fei begins to spit actual fire onto the brothel, causing everyone to run around, panicking. Loyg jumps over the counter, and calls up a few people.* Loygansono55: Come on, when will they get here? I need their superior rapping! *A large jeep pulls out in front of the brothel, and out jumps the first person to take on Han Fei…* SHAKA ZULU! (Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuxOHxkrKk4 ) Shaka Zulu: The Zulus still do voodoo that’s sick, you bet it! Rapped against a robotic cop, now you’ll get it! These battles were started to be shit, it is true! But the way they’ve evolved leaves no room for you! So stop making a fool of a tool of a ghoul of a man, Dead for centuries, but still caused the trouble at Han! So make no mistake, all my Impis await, Shrink and dress yourself, or prepare for Fei’s fate! *Han Fei shoots laser beams at Shaka Zulu, melting him into a puddle. The next rapper steps out…* DWASSHOLE! DWASSHOLE: For shizzuh! This histizzuh’s made Zulu a river! But DWASSY G’s got a declaration to make ya bowels shiver! Tigguh: For rizzuh! DWASSHOLE: Chinese man, I command you to go back to Japan! On behalf of the states, I await you to partake in my command! I’m balling, you’ve got none, hung like a nonexistent person! Tigguh, homeboy, shoot his tiny salami til it hurts him! Tigguh: For shizzuh! *Tigguh shoots Han Fei, who simply kicks him into the sun, and devours DWASSHOLE. Another person hops out of the car, clearing their throat.* SCROOGE! Scrooge: Scrooge splooges on stooge doofuses like you, kid! If this battle were a nicely sized dick, you sure blew it! Ba humbug! I cum rugs! What car just passed by? Han Fei: Slug bug. *Han Fei punches Scrooge into the Voltzwagon beetle, causing it to explode. A last person hops out of the car, nervous.* NAIL! Nail: Ping pong? *Han Fei grabs and crunches Nail in his hands. He turns around to Loyg, who’s hiding behind the bar counter, panicking. CW comes back, the bagpipe sticking through his helmet.* CW: Loyg, I’ve got this! *Han Fei snaps CW in half, then tosses him aside, making his way towards Loyg. Loyg is worried he might not make it out of the brothel satisfied.* Loygansono55: Han Fei, you’ve gone too far! Han Fei: This series has gone too far without me in every battle! Loygansono55: You’re nothing, Han Fei! You don’t understand how a crap battle should be! ???: Did somebody say “nothing”? *Loyg turns with a huge smile to a broken window, as thousands of doves fly in, and the sun shines so bright that the glass melts and the floor below sets on fire. A figure jumps through, and stands triumphantly, hands on hips, and points towards Loyg.* Loygansono55: Is it really you? ???: Yes, it is I, here to lend a hand once again in a rap battle! *The figure turns towards the suddenly existing camera, revealing to be none other than…* DONALD TRUMP! Donald Trump: A small loan of a million dollars- *Han Fei shits on Donald Trump, Loyg curling up in a ball and rolling away. As he reaches the doorway, he rolls into someone.* Awesomesix: Don’t touch me you disgusting fuck ( Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V5kOgSUPKI ) CRAP BATTLES, FOR REAL HOPEFULLY, FINALE! AWESOMESIX! LOYGANSONO55! *The two stand tall together, Loyg being brave while Awesomesix wanting to die.* Loygansono555: Nice to have you back, buddy. Loygansono55: Who the fuck is Loygansono555? *Criss Angel pulls off his mask, and walks away sad.* VERSUS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! BEGIN! Loygansono55 and Awesomesix: This is it, Awesome, our last chance to shine. So let’s order some takeout and kick some Asian behind! We’ve done this before, beat nothing like it was nothing! Well, Han Fei isn’t nothing, so this battle will be something! Truly! No losing, to a loser drooling to be in a battle of the fooling! Forgive me if my delivery isn’t on time, my skills have been cooling. Still fresh like Papa Johns! Let’s slice and dice Han Fucker! Take vengeance for Tupac, and pop some caps in this here sucker! But we’re white! You’re right! But this was supposed to be his fight! Fair point! Let’s take this Chinese Faggon and show him our might! A beast we’ll smite! With a hand so slight, Criss left him in our aim! Now, to show this fool why we’re so cool, we’ll show him how to play the game! *Han Fei pulls an AK47 out of his backpack and shoots them to death.* WHO… WON? UH… HMM… YOU DECIDE… I GUESS? EPIC… CRAP? YEAH, CRAP… CRAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! Who won? Han Fei Criss Angel Tupac Hitler Loyg, CW, Conner Donald Trump No one because this was awful Football score: 0 to 5 Note This will be my last blog on the wiki. Count this as my official leaving blog. I had a fun time on this wiki when I joined, up until I left. Why I left is simple: for one, I felt like a piece of shit that day because my pre-calculus grade, and sat there thinking about my life, and decided to try and change slightly. One thing I did was leave this wiki. I was spending a tad too much time on here, and more time writing the battles known as Awesome Rap Battles. After a month of wanting to come back, I realized I didn't want to, but sometimes I would think about the fact I left with no confirmation. So, if you want a reason, this is it right here. Now with nothing left to do here, I wish you all the best, and that someone brings you a series redone 50 times with more than enough Eminem, and a list involving cucumbers. If you want to add me on Steam, it's Barnacle_swag (if it doesn't work, ask Tigger, Andy, TK, Hawk, or Brandon, they've added me). Good luck to you all. Except Hawk. You suck at Left 4 Dead 2. Category:Blog posts